Satire

If you want to carry out vendetta on your enemies, then you need to recommend my college and my course to him/her. Trust me; you will enjoy it to the fullest. Even if you’re not a sadist, you will savour his mental trauma, you will revel his sufferings. It would only be a matter of time, before he finally asks for an asylum or even may file a petition regarding Euthanasia. Somehow, he would want to get relieved of his misery and a full-scale, global nuclear war will seem to be the only solution.

Now, you may wonder, why I am writing this stuff.

Firstly, this is an open message to my beloved, unknown enemy that his prayers were finally answered.

Secondly, it’s a condolence message to my fellow comrades, who share my misery in this odyssey; I am reluctantly giving words to their feelings, a humble attempt, and onerous responsibility.

Lastly, this is a form of gratitude I am extending towards my foes along with the foes of all my college-mates; we are not selfish, enjoy our misery and the wretchedness of the education system in this part of the world which has been in shambles since time immemorial. We are dreaming of competing globally whilst we are discouraging and disrespecting the students, believed to do so.

 

While some of my batch-mates have graduated this year, I am hopeful of completing half of my degree this year, / *victory* Yes! *punches in the air* My counterparts, who are doing the same course, are fairly 7 months ahead of me despite having at least 2 months delayed start from mine. I am feeling bad for the college-mates who have their beloveds in other colleges. Why? Look! Even if they happen to be from the same batch or juniors, their parents will marry them off while you will be waiting for your penultimate semester results to be declared. They would be expecting their first child while you will be indignant about the GATE’s date clashing with your final semester dates. And finally when you will be having a job (given the fact that you sacrificed so much only for the ‘CAMPUS PLACEMENT’ your college is known for) you may give his/her children the ‘Eidie’ from your hard-earned money. *WIN \o/*

I hope I am not digressing, and that you are not dreaming about that fateful Eid. But still, if that Eid ever comes by and you are required to express your love in this way, I further hope that you do not put yourself in a predicament, by showing up with Eidie holding an affidavit! Just because of your ‘Wont’!

And InShaAllah, if you are selected in GATE exam, I can only be sympathetic for such pathos. Why? I think it will be difficult for you to cope up with the schedule of having to appear in two semesters in ‘1’ year. You weren’t trained for that! So, how can you sustain?

My batch-mates from other colleges, who graduated this year, if you’re planning to marry this year itself, then please bring your kids to my graduation day, I would really like a change, once in a while. And if Allah wishes and the authorities continue to be in slumber, they might even talk their way through the graduation day ceremony *wipes a tear*

The problem of having such a long hiatus before exams is, that it renders your mind useless, makes it numb, devil’s workshop; and the worst that I apprehend is, that you may retire to a disastrous pastime!

My friends elsewhere are envious of my college; they think that we get plenty of time before the exams. Tell me, how can you concentrate on studies when you are completely clueless about the exam dates? It may take anywhere between a month to 4 months between the exams. During the first month, you don’t really study, you just catch-up with the stuff that you missed. Why? Because, you trust your college! Months go on and suddenly all your relatives and neighbours are curious to know what actually transpired? Did you dropout by choice? No? Then why aren’t you at college? To which you humbly reply “Exams are just around the corner and currently these are preparation days rather than junket holidays” some month later when the same neighbour/relative finds you at home, he will be only benevolent if not to suspect you of lying earlier!

This mental trauma of waiting for exams makes you to forget even the basic everyday stuff, let alone your syllabus. You never get proper holidays to enjoy, because, the so-called holiday period is actually the torture period where you, if not engaged in some activity can seriously have a breakdown. You’re not all that same, which clearly shows in your results. How can you perform properly when you are tormented as such?

 My college displayed a miracle last year, when, there were 5 batches for a course believed to be completed in 4 years! *Do the math*

And finally on the exam day, you are not sure of, whether this is the paper from your course or they have unknowingly slipped paper from some other course; you reread the paper and then check the ‘Subject’ at the top, finally, you’re convinced that this is actually the paper from your course but they have mistaken you for your next semester.

Recently, some, medical officers selection-list was published, and surprisingly very few doctors who were studying MBBS in state got selected, most of the selected doctors belonged to colleges from outside the state and even abroad. I’m not questioning the credibility of latter as if former doctors didn’t operate a patient for piles surgery when the patient was actually required to undergo nose-surgery! I’m merely stating the facts of the education system currently in ruins. If nothing is done in this regard we may well lose some brilliant brains to this official apathy. Many would argue that you deserve to be treated as such given the fact that you didn’t qualify the most prestigious entrance exam. But the fact remains that these shallow people with such inferior mindset, are currently pursuing the course that many of my college-mates considered condescending on their part (No offence) and even if their point is taken for the sake of the argument, then they should better request the authorities to disaffiliate the college for the required course. And the people who find mentions in historical annals didn’t require qualifying any exam apart from the exam of their own conscience, they didn’t belong to MIT, AIIMS, IITs, GMCs or NITs, they belonged to the school of learning that starts from cradle and ends only at grave! The fact that remains is, only student community suffers because of this frivolity and callousness of authorities!

 

P.S If Allah permits and you reach the age of marriage, I sincerely pray that you don’t issue a diktat just before the marraige that needs to be signed and submitted as an affidavit by your life partner, making him/her an indentured spouse! 

 
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