All mast-calendars aside, do you know that a lady was set on fire by her in-laws here in ‘yahaan kya chalega nizam-e-mustafa’ Kashmir? The reason, as quoted by the newspapers, seems to be the demand for dowry. Yes, life for dowry! Pay in bucks or rest of your days. This is not the first incident of immolation; in the present case, the lady survived while in last case, the lady was charred to death by her in-laws. Charred! And the perpetrator, I think, had to do something with law enforcement! Waavailaa!
Domestic abuse in Kashmir is not a new malady, it’s as old as our culture. Only the reporting of such incidents is new.It’s not always that the bride suffers, in-laws also suffer at the hands of daughter-in-law but those incidents aren’t even shared with relatives let alone with the press. This, primarily, due to the social stigma of not blemishing the family name or their son’s. By the time parents share it with their kins, they’re already living in fear of being kicked out of their own house and by then any mitigation is Virtually impossible & in any consensus, parents are told to compromise due to their age- old age i.e. how long do they expect to live even if their demands are accepted? And there is also the more rampant and least-almost nil- discussed or shared domestic abuse that men face. This form is the worse because, whereas in other forms, on coming out you receive some sort of sympathy from others while in this part, you are ridiculed! Nobody gives you any sympathy but instead your ‘bravado’ and ‘manhood’ is questioned to a point where you begin to question it yourself! Here, you’d be ridiculed if you’re just henpecked by your spouse let alone being abused. So, most people choose to remain silent. While men choose silence out of fear of being ridiculed; women are forced to be silent by their own well-wishers, often their parents. Silence feeds the Frankenstein. Remember, it’s always our ‘well-wishers’ who prod us into abusing our spouse in the first place. Always.
‘Well-wishers’ always enlighten you about the power dominance at home, and having things under your control. That’s what the problem is. Most of the time these well wishes are kins who want to show you how it’s done by manhandling your spouse right in front of you! Perhaps you didn’t take notes first time so they show you again, this time you don’t feel cringe or sympathy towards your wife which you felt at first. And from next time, you’re doing the honors yourself!
Think about it, were they really wishing you well? Your home is no house of cards that needs the power polarisation. There is no single power house in a marriage. It’s a coalition. But sadly, testosterone part is told about to be dominant for upholding the prestige of all testicular beings. As dominance is prestige! While the estrogen part is reminded that if her own hormones get too much in way, androgen will always subjugate her. So, take up arms! The results, instead of appeasing ministry of health with tubectomy or vasectomy becomes headache for ministry of law, and welfare! There’s no first and 2nd place in a marriage, fusion of two individuals into one scraps that option. Nobody wins in a broken marriage.Woman wasn’t created from Man’s head to depict her superiority, nor from his feet to show inferiority but from his side to show equality.