Witness

Once a traveler was passing through the city of Madina, he was intending to sell off his horse so as to have some money for further travels. It was quite early, the market was empty but he saw a buyer approaching him in the market. The buyer turned out to be our Prophet (saww). Deal was done and Prophet (saww) went to his home to fetch the money. Meanwhile, someone approached that traveler asking him for the price of his horse. The traveler said that he had already sold it to the Prophet (saww), the new buyer promised to pay more than what he has already sold it for. Since there weren’t many people around to witness the deal of the Prophet (saww), the traveler refused to acknowledge any deal with the Prophet (saww) upon Prophet’s arrival with the money.

Time was passing by and the market was getting started with more and more people joining in, many of whom started to take interest in what was happening with the horse deal. As it was decided, Prophet (saww) was asked to bring forth a witness or leave the deal. Since there was no one present at the time of the deal, Prophet (saww) had decided to leave the deal as such.

Suddenly, someone claimed that he had witness the deal taking place and favored the Prophet’s version of the events. Upon the completion of the deal, Prophet asked that witness, how was it that you claimed to be the witness despite you not being present at the scene and seeing it all? The witness replied, Ya Rasoolallah (saww), this was just a matter of a horse deal, you said that there is a God called Allah, when I trusted you over that I can trust you over this as well!

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Power Of Astagfirullah

Once Hazrat Imam Hambal (ra) was travelling to some place. On his way, he arrived at some town, at midnight. He was travelling all alone so he decided to have some rest at that place and continue forward in the morning. To spend the night, he decided to take shelter in a masjid. So, he went inside the masjid and began to rest; soon, some guard came and asked him to vacate the ‘House of God’. The guard didn’t know whom he was addressing though Imam was a greatly revered scholar at that time but since there was no technological outburst as of today, so mostly people knew great men only by their name and not by their face.

Hazrat Imam Hambal (ra), politely replied to him that he was only seeking refuge for the night and that this was a masjid. The guard didn’t budge, so, Hazrat Imam Hambal (ra) went out of the masjid and decided to sleep at the doorway. This irked the guard and he dragged the imam onto the road. Across the street, there was a baker who was getting the dough ready for the next morning, while doing so he was watching all that was happening on the other side. He saw this person being dragged, and because of Imam’s humbleness and his character while dealing with the disrespect and also because Imam appeared to be a man of knowledge, the baker invited this old person into his shop and allowed him to take some rest there.

 

While preparing the dough, this baker was continuously reciting Astagfirullah. Imam noticed this, and asked this baker if he has experienced some barakah out of this continuous Istagfaar. The baker replied that all of his duas have been granted to him because of the barakah of Istagfaar except one! Imam curiously asked which one? Baker replied that he had made a dua to meet the scholar of the time Hazrat Imam Hambal (ra) and so far that dua hasn’t been granted to him.

Hearing this, Imam understood the Allah’s plan of making him leave for an impromptu visit without anyone to accompany him, arriving in the town past midnight, being dragged out of the ‘House of God’ and being invited into the ‘House of baker’ just to answer that Baker’s dua of meeting the Imam!

Ways And Means

This Islamic anecdote has given me hope in dark times, it is quite soothing and contenting if you happen to be a muslim. It makes your trust in Allah more than anything and it tells you that Allah is the creator of ways and means, ways that might appear implausible to you are very much plausible in the eyes of Allah.

 

Once Hazrat Musa (as) was ill and he tried some common medications but they all proved to be useless. So while going on the mount Toor, he thought of asking Allah for some remedy. So it happened and Allah advised him to travel to such and such place and there he will find such and such plant and the cure for his ailment lies in the leaves of that plant.
After coming back from the Toor, Hazrat Musa (as) straightaway went to that place, searched for that plant and ate its leaves; and as told by Allah he got cured right there.

 

After some time passed, Hazrat Musa (as) again felt the same pain. This time he rushed to that same spot, got hold of the leaves of that plant and began to eat them; to his surprise the pain began to get worse! He ate some more and it worsened more. It developed into an excruciating pain and to know the reason, he rushed to the Mount Toor.

 

Hazrat Musa (as): “Ya Allah! I had the same pain as last time and I did the same as you told me the last time but to my surprise the pain didn’t subside rather it worsened. Why?”

Allah: “Did I tell you to have those leaves this time?”

Hazrat Musa (as): “No, but they are the same leaves that cured me last time.”

 

Allah: “It was I who cured you the last time not those leaves, they were only the means for the cure!”

 

 

Cheerith be haave yas dil

This is a famous poem of Bashir Dada. In this poem, the central theme revolves around the wishes of a lover. This is my interpretation of the verses, your interpretation might be different. Errors and omissions regretted.

Cheerith be haave yas dil, mye gasum su yaar aasun ~

Jaam’an be chaak dimeha goas raaze daar aasun

I wish to show scars of my heart to someone, if only I’ve such beloved?

I’d tear apart my robes, if only he be my confidant? 


Naal’as be chooni jareha, tschaayan be rang bareha~

Namme’nei be khoon mal’eha gosum aekhtiyaar aasun

I’d decorate the robes, I’d colour the shadows
I’d dye nails with my blood, if only I have any authority over myself


Bozum byemaar ketyah tsei nish yiwaan ilaaj’as~

Be te roi choan wecheha, be gasus byemaar aasun

(THIS IS MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE)

I’ve heard, so many patients visit you for cure

I just wish to see you, if only I too was ailing


Baagah dil’uk sajaevith tsol baagwaan rooshit~

Ade phael gulaab kaetyah, ya goas shumaar aasun

The Gardner of the garden of my heart left midway after decorating it

Those florets that couldn’t bloom, if only there was an estimate.


Basaan mye chum marr’e ma, bass chum akh tamanah~

Waaih! Chaani braand’e kanni tael gase mye mazaar aasun

I fear, I might die, now I only have this wish-

If only your stepping stone becomes my tombstone.


Praanyan Basheer kare kyah goas nov zakhm aasun~
Yodvai tse teer laayakh, be gasus shikaar aasun

What’s the worth of these old scars, they should be fresh

Would you shoot an arrow, if only I was the target

Lalwun Naar

This happens to be one of the most popular poems of Rasul Mir- Keats of Kashmir. The theme of this poem revolves around the helplessness of a person- in pursuit of love and then after finally meeting the beloved. Some of the famous verses of the poem are as under.

 Again, this is my interpretation of the poem. It may vary from yours. Errors and omissions regretted.


 Gaste wesiyay, Laal chum dooray

Mye Chu mooray lalwun naar

Dearest friend, you go and lookout for my beloved,

For my saplings have an inferno to bear.

*(Moor- sapling of a plant, that’s too feeble to stand on its own weight)
*(LalwunTo rock something as in a cradle )


Domb’e daadai traayem cheerai

Dash mye ganjmai aastaan’an

Yas ne dai dei tas Kate pooray

Mye Chu mooray lalwun naar

I even looked at tarots for motherhood

Tied sacred threads in shrines

If lord doesn’t provide you, you’re no good

For my saplings have an inferno to bear

*(Domb’e daadai-  condition of a hopeful mother who’s unable to conceive )

*(Cheere- To cast a lot )


Garre draayas gare’kyan tsooray

Neel naag’ai loosum doh

Raat lajemo raah musaafooray

Mye Chu mooray lalwun naar

Out of my home I sneaked 

Alas! It was nightfall just at NeelNaag

All night like a wayfarer, I roamed

For my saplings have an inferno to bear


Maaje raechnas khon’ne mastoorai

Aame doad’e seat navnaevnam tann

Sui paan logum metche mozoorai

Mye Chu mooray lalwun naar

Mother held me with love sweetest

Best of nourishment did my body get

That same body now toils in dust

For my saplings have an inferno to bear

*(Aam’e doad- fresh milk rich in nutrients, that was a luxury for many during old times )


Hash’e laeinam zaevij mooray

Pootche tsotnam paekh anzul

Gaseha maalyun su te chum dooray

Mye Chu mooray lalwun naar

Mother-in-law beat me with whips

Tore apart the border of my veil

Would’ve ran back home, but far away it is

For my saplings have an inferno to bear

*(Zaevij Moor- thin stick that makes a whip sound when swung )

*(Pootch- headscarf )

*(Paekh anzul- used to be special brocade over the headscarf )

Aes kokil’ah maedaan dooray 

Sua che paraan Allah’hu

Sua che laejmech waalwaash’i dooray

Mye Chu mooray lalwun naar

A bird in some far away forest

Is reciting Allah’hu

She’s away, in a trap caught

For my saplings have an inferno to bear

*(Waalwaash- A luring trap used by hunters )


Ye Chu Rasul Mir Shahbahdooray 

Tem Chu trovmut aeshq’un dukaan

Yeevu aashiqo, cheyiv toori tooray

Mye Chu mooray lalwun naar

There’s Rasool Mir at Shahabaadoor

He has opened the tavern of love

Lovers go thee and drink cups full

For my saplings have an inferno to bear

Silence

One of the best stories and the most inspiring one, in various aspects, has to be the story of Hazrat Musa’s (as) meeting with Hazrat Khazir (as), I’ve written the prelude to the meeting mentioned in quran Here. Today  I wish to talk about the meeting and what transpired in it. To be exact I want to highlight the events after the 2nd incident of their meeting. This story finds mention in Surah Kahf. Firstly, Hazrat Khazir (as) damaged a boat then he killed a child and lastly he repaired a wall without any remuneration.

At the very beginning of the story, Hazrat Khazir (as) warns Hazrat Musa (as) that he (Musa) cannot be patient with him but Hazrat Musa (as) assured him that he (Musa) will not disappoint him as far as patience was considered. Hazrat Khazir (as) very well knew about the nature of Hazrat Musa (as), which was of the impulsive, inquisitor type hence he put the warning upfront. The very reason this meeting was taking place was because of that nature. So after Hazrat Musa (as) saw the boat being damaged, he questioned the act of Hazrat Khazir (as) who reminded him of his promise of being patient in the entire journey; to this Hazrat Musa (as) replied that he’ll be careful the next time. Please note that Hazrat Khazir (as) did not want any assurance from Hazrat Musa (as) but the latter provided it anyhow.

Now after Hazrat Musa (as) saw a child being killed he was greatly surprised and questioned the veracity of this act whereupon Hazrat Khazir (as) again reminded him of his promise to which Hazrat Musa (as) again replied, without being asked or expected to reply, that if he says anything after this point the meeting should be considered over. This reply of Hazrat Musa (as) is considered by many scholars to be uncalled for, even our beloved Prophet (saww) wished that Musa (as) had remained quite so that the meeting could have been extended further but as we know, the meeting ended immediately after the third incident and excuse on the behalf of Hazrat Khazir (as) to part ways was Hazrat Musa’s (as) reply after the second incident. Though it is never mentioned explicitly, scholars suggest it to be the implicit reason and the fact that Hazrat Musa(as) complied to partition after going through all the struggle for this meeting alone is a clear indication of it being the implicit reason.

 

Silence at that time could have benefited a Prophet who had the Lord’s machinery, by the grace of the Lord himself, at his command; imagine what fruits that silence will bear for us! As Rumi said; Silence is the language of God, rest is just poor translation. Silence is golden, we have history full of wise men and women emphasizing on the importance of silence. Hazrat Umar (ra) used to say; my silence has never hurt me, it’s always my speech. God created us with just one tongue but two ears, that must be His way of saying talk less and listen more.

 

In today’s modern world where information is being bombarded at us from all sorts of nooks and corners of the digital alley, we are surrounded by cacophony instead of meaningful dialogue. Our work, our relationships, our life would have been much better if we had not spoken at ‘that’ moment. Silence was all that was needed of us but we failed to control our tongue. Hazrat Luqmaan (as) when asked to prepare the delicacy out of the best part of lamb brought forward the dish prepared from the tongue of the lamb and next time when asked to prepare a delicacy out of the worst part of the lamb, he again prepared dish from the tongue; when he was asked about it he said that the tongue if used properly is sweeter than honey and if used unwisely it is bitter than  poison! If only we can understand the importance of silence the world will become a better place. Nature is best experienced when we stop talking.

I’m dissuading speech except when it is better than silence. It’s an irony of our times that when we need to speak up we remain silent and when we need to remain silent, there’s not a word in the dictionary that didn’t find mention in our speech. Speak in favor of oppressed, downtrodden, weak, marginalized; speak up your ideas; speak up against tyrants, fascists but remain quite when your spouse is throwing a tantrum at you, wait for temperatures to cool down and then put forward your point; be silent when your parents yell at you, they never wanted to yell at their beloved in the first place; be silent when a fool wants to argue with you; be silent when your speech will only hurt someone.

Be silent if you want to listen to yourself!

Domestic Abuse

Taubah

During the period of Hazrat Basri r.a a rich person died leaving behind a large fortune to his only son. His son, who inherited the fortune, used the money for all sorts of illicit activities. All his life his mother implored him to attend the lectures of Hazrat Hassan Basri r.a so that he may return to the right path but he never heeded to her calls. After spending all of his life going against the will of Allah, he health deteriorated due to his habits. Bedridden during the fag end of his life, his mother still wanted him to visit Hazrat Hassan Basri r.a so that he may have a change of heart though at the end. The son constantly kept refusing to acknowledge his mother’s wish.

When he felt the death looming over him, he asked his mother to take him to Hazrat Hassan Basri r.a so that he may repent for his sins- he had never prayed in his life, didn’t know any Aayah, Dua that he may recite while asking for forgiveness but at this point he was too weak to get out of the bed. His mother ran to Hazrat Hassan Basri r.a and asked Hazrat to visit her son and help him to perform Taubah. At that point of time, Hazrat was teaching his students and felt it implausible to leave the class for a personal visit, so he turned the mother away. She returned back without Hassan Basri r.a and narrated her ordeal and helplessness to her son.

This had a deep impact on his heart, he now turned towards Allah and said, “Ya Allah, you are aware that I want to repent but I don’t know how to. I even asked Hassan Basri r.a to come and teach me how to but he refused to come. You can forgive me whether I know how to repent or not, whether Hassan Basri r.a is present or not. I am coming to you without any good deed, without any Salah in my name, you can forgive me. Please forgive me.”

He felt the time to be near and made a will. He asked his mother to bury him at any other place except the muslim graveyard as he feared that with the amount of the sins he has committed, the graves that would be beside him would also get punished! Further he asked his mother to tie a rope around his neck, after his death, and drag him through the town like a dog so that all of his companions who used to participate in those illicit activities with him might know what they were staring at and hopefully have a change of heart. Finally, his mother again went to Hassan Basri r.a, who had just finished the class. She asked Hazrat to lead the Jinazah of her son. Hassan Basri, against his nature, became very angry and asked the mother to return for he was not going to lead the Jinazah of a person who has never prayed a single prayer in his life.

The mother returned back, hopeless and asked the neighbours to perform the final rites as per the will and as per the norm. Soon they heard a knock at the door and when enquired who it was, the reply was, “I am Hassan (Basri)”.  The mother was surprised to see the same person at door who moments before turned her request to lead the Jinazah of her son away. When she asked about the change of thought, Hassan Basri replied, “After finishing the class I slept for a while. I had a dream where somebody told me, “Hassan, did you just refuse to lead the Jinazah of a Wali? Are you willing to lose all of your Ilm because of your ego?”  Just then I woke up and headed here.”

Marriage Or Mirage

Marriage is described to be a pious, personal, and the perfect affair by almost all the religions of the world. It’s a relationship in which two souls reunite to be one but unfortunately, here in subcontinent, it’s presumed to be two families instead of two individual souls that are meant to be reunited! Some incredible and astonishing analogies thereby come to forth that, I believe, are among the basic causes of all the marital problems in this part of the world. I won’t delve into the marriages of the entire subcontinent but want to give the reader a purview of the marriages in a kashmiri society. So, in case you are easily offended, find my observation way out of line, or choose to bury your head in the ground like an ostrich, now is the time to leave. If you still want to waste your time, please go on.

Congratulations! You chose to stay.  Now is the right time for me to apologise for my grammar and writing skills, and of course for anything that you may find repulsive up ahead.
Kashmir is the Muslim majority state proud of its kashmiriyat, and rightly so. We kashmiris have gone through the violence from time immemorial and haven’t given up any of our traditions or rituals; a simple wazwan (kashmiri food feast) didn’t see much change since its inclusion. We’re known for our hospitality and for our spirit. Kashmir is also known as reshvaer– land of saints but with time only the land remained and all the saints decided to get buried under it.  I am not here to tell you about Kashmir but about the evils that surround, and have enshrouded, our marital system.

Being a 90s kid, I haven’t got any chance to know the other, and equally important, half of our kashmiri culture- Pandits. So, my sophomoric observations are mainly based on the Muslim marriages.
We, here in Kashmir, don’t leave any chance to boast about our muslim identity. We aren’t self-sufficient in anything apart from masjids and the loudspeakers that come with them. There’s a masjid on every corner. I can count some 10+ masjids in a 500 step radius around my home. There’s no harm in building masjids only if they serve their purpose throughout the year and not just Ramadan. The point here I want to reflect is that by this show of Muslim strength we wish to affirm our Muslim identity in the society but the teachings of Islam in our day-to-day life are somehow overpowered by the society in which we live. The moot point here is that 100% of the population in this society is of Muslism. Let me describe this overpowering nature in points.

1. CASTE SURNAME SYSTEM

We are muslims, alhamdulilah! So, we don’t believe in the caste system that is highly prevalent in the Hindu society UNTIL a suitor is sought! Here the Hindu caste system is subtly changed into the surname system. There are various classes of surnames in our society. And mind you, we’re (most of us) really serious about it. The surnames, thought to be inherited are primarily all farce! In Kashmir most of the surnames, more than 90%, originated either from a nickname, occupation, place of origin or some incident that happened to your forefathers. The analogy about some being descendents of the Prophet pbuh and thus they command greater respect is a farfetched idea, and as far as I know my Prophet pbuh, he too would have censured this idea with a strong hand. After the analogy regarding the descendents of prophet pbuh, there are also the descendents of the saints that have passed in Kashmir. Remember reshvaer? Now, I don’t want to debate the technicalities and thus probability of the ancestry being right or wrong, for all I know is that in a world where at least 124,000 Prophets pbut have passed, we all are descendents of at least 2 of them!

Furthermore, with this sort of classification, the chances of having a stable marital relationship is really difficult forget about witnessing a blooming love story. We are all adults here (if you’re not then please leave this website for your own good) and know that when two people fall in love they don’t demand a manzimyaer parche (piece of paper, matchmakers carry were all the details about the guy or the girl is given, primarily the surnames of the father’s family, and mother’s family as well) beforehand. Had that been the case things would have been hassle free. You like someone? Demand the parche, if you’re compatible continue, else farewell. Maybe Kashmir will come up with something like that of our own- our version of Adhaar card!

In past, people hardly cared to seek the surname when looking for marriage but now with more ‘education’ and ‘global exposure’ we are adamant on seeking the surname approval!

If the relatives find something fishy about the surname of the match, you hear those 4 magical words:  aem aase paanai kormut which can be ‘audaciously’ translated to “this is a love marriage.” Henceforth, a blasphemy!

These divisions are still there among our society. A person having X surname wants to marry other with Y surname but parents are against this marriage, it’s not the guy or the girl they are against but his/her surname! So either you succumb to their pressure or they do. If you succumb, then love gov phail and gives rise to social evils, infidelity, and a bad relationship! If they do, then it’s just a beginning to the slys and the innuendos that will follow, all through your life.

Also, the reputation in society, nobility, character, habits, manners are all believed to have originated from your surname and your surname alone!

There are only a few who rise above surnames and make a name for themselves.

2. SHAHER-O-GAAM

Apart from the surname malady, the other severe disease that we are suffering from is our ethnicity, our place of living or origin. There’s this word Groous that people of city (by city I mean Srinagar only), who have some urban delusion, use for the people from other districts. If you ask someone in city what this word means, they will tell you that it primarily means someone from the village- uncouth and uncultured. There’s this delusion that everything apart from Srinagar is a village, so, by default all the other districts of Kashmir become villages de facto! Not just all the people living in other districts apart from Srinagar but the people from the outskirts of the Srinagar as well are known to comprise of this category, of Groous for the people of Srinagar. Now, if you travel to the outskirts of Srinagar and ask the people out there who the Groous is, according to them. They will point in the direction of the other district. Now, visit that district and ask them the same question, they will point to their outskirts. Ask the people of these outskirts the same question; they will point upwards to the inhabitants of the mountains. Ask them the very same question; they will point to the inhabitants at higher elevation than they are at. Ask the inhabitants at the highest elevation, they too might point upwards which I fear is the habitation of God!

There’s this moronic divide between the people of the Srinagar and the other districts that apart from disturbing our regional harmony also disturbs our social harmony. I remember my initial days at the college where my later-to-be-friends from other districts used to taunt us, guys from Srinagar. Initially, they had a biased approach towards us, maybe because of some misconception towards the people of Srinagar in general but later on they became some of our close friends. One of them, who was most radical, who used to maintain a distance, became one of my finest friends, shared a lot of personal stuff, confided many secrets and sadly, requested for some important piece of advice (pertinent point here is that you don’t come to me for advice. I’m bad at that.)

Leave the intercaste and interfaith marriages; interdistrict marriage is the new taboo. I don’t know much about the other districts but here in Srinagar it’s like the next big thing. Dosti pakki district apna apna.

There’s this question asked to every matchmaker here: yem katik asli? (Where are they actually from?). Mostly, if you’re from Srinagar, you’ll be traced back to the Downtown. So, our Adhaar card needs a new entry! Let me mention this that Kashmir is so vast and vibrant that we have had ancient kingdom capitals in every present-day district, even many capitals within the same district. So, next time you meet someone from some other district try observing things other than his accent. In Islam, there’s absolutely no provision for this nonsense. If you’re still so much biased, next time don’t pray Salaah in your local masjid because 9/10 chances are that he ain’t local!

3. PAISA

This is nothing new, like all the other places, monetary conditions are a prerequisite here as well. Here in Kashmir we don’t have a dowry system, at least we don’t call it dowry. There’s this Voldemort like reference whenever dowry is mentioned, we ask, “Temav rota kenh?” (Did they accept anything?) It’s only the reference in general, nothing is mentioned in particular. Please note, we are not uncultured like rest of the subcontinent to demand a dowry Astagfirullah! You are wise enough to know, as the father of the bride, what is expected of you. So, in general a dowry is expected from you, there are no demands ye khosh karre (whatever you wish to give) then it’s the prerogative of the groom to accept or refuse the same.

Thankfully, the new generation refuses all forms of subtle kashmiri dowry but there are still some cunning, ibn-iblees who use innuendos or will ask blatantly for something making it really hard for other people to marry off their daughters. Here, it’s important to note that it does not matter how much literate or religious you are to ask for a dowry, what matters is how much educated you are!  Education and literacy are quite different.

In Kashmir, we also believe in the forgotten eleventh commandment: vehement display of money on weddings. If only they could empathise with the father of the hoping-to-be-bride, who cannot cope up with the basic voluptuary customs present-day marriage demands, most of our social evils would be wiped out.

Aasun baasun laayakh (something, of some value) and panun haakh batte che khyewaan (they have their ‘small’ morsels) are the ways to describe the financial conditions of the family of guy or the girl to protect them from the evil eye! Mostly, the surname scrutiny is done because it is believed that the surnames are divine and are a celestial certificate for the character of the guy or the girl

(fun fact: restaurant owners or in most cases, college canteen owners are more privy to the character of guys and girls than their parents, so better to get a character certificate from him!)

There’s also a fourth classification- spirituality but who cares?

Tempest

Lovers are known to make many promises but how many are actually kept?

Marriage happens to be one of the most important and sacred religious duties. According to Islam, so much so that our beloved Prophet pbuh declared it to be half of our eman.  Then why do marriages fail? What happens to two individuals who enter this heavenly bond as soul mates but only end up harbouring hatred for each other? Is it even possible to spend your entire life with a single person? What happens to two individuals who fall in love, get married; swear to be faithful, be supportive, be compassionate towards each other that they finally decide to be nothing but strangers?

I think this mainly happens because holding hands, frequenting restaurants, long duration love calls etc are different things compared to living with the same person, under the same roof, all of your life! Honestly, waking up to the same person is different than sending ‘Good morning’ texts to the very same person all of your life. Marriage does need love, romance, persiflage, humour, and compassion but most important thing that a successful marriage need is – PATIENCE. Some may argue that compromise plays a vital part in a successful marriage but I believe that it’s only through patience that you are able to be persuaded or dissuaded, as the situation might require, without making the things worse; patience help you to reach that much needed consensus without hurting your ego or that of your spouse’s. If your partner doesn’t have as much patience as you do, then let it be as such; you cannot inculcate that in him/her. You two have decided to make ends meet when you entered this sacred institution; now, don’t runaway.  

Marriage is like a boat in an ocean, and both the partners in it are sailing to reach a common goal. If your goals differ, then don’t board it. You might think that with time, your partner will agree to change his/her goals but hey, if you are reluctant in changing them, don’t expect your partner to be gullible.  Go, seek another companion, world is full of people who want a fellow-traveller. Go, and seek them, embark on this wonderful journey with them. But, don’t fall prey to your whims and desires only to end up in a tempest!

If you still decide to sail together then, let you two first know each other and most importantly, know yourself. Ask yourself: Where you want to reach? How you want to reach? And, why you want to reach that very destination? When you think you have the answer, discuss them with your fellow-traveller. See, if your answers match. They don’t need to match completely but see if you can reach a consensus. Remember, you might need to make some changes because you are not the only one on board. The changes planned together should be done on the shore, if not on it then near the shore.

Still, if you happen to be travelling without a common destination, and you are far away from the shore, try to have a consensus. Compromise a bit…..a bit more because remember, it is the same person around whom all of your world revolved; and now you are scared of letting that person lay his/her hands on the rudder of this boat?! The travellers in this boat will go on adding as it moves into the sea; they will help you in strengthening this boat, they will act as its reinforcement. It has to face the tempest, sooner or later. In the tempest, don’t abandon your boat too soon but also make sure that you don’t sink with it. The swim, back to the shore might be long and tiring and after that long swim to the shore you might never sail again!